Sunday, September 28, 2008

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Monday, July 23, 2007

The pool is probably filled with Dom Perignon

Panel One: OH MY GOD MR. LODGE BROKE ARCHIE'S HAND! I imagine a psychosexual pervert like Hiram Lodge with his raging Elektra complex smells the hands of anyone bringing Veronica home. Having caught a whiff of his daughter's sweet love nectar on the hands of one of her bumbling suitors, he likely flew into neck-veined rage and shattered the boy's wrist like it were twigs made of crystal. Of course, Archie being the oblivious dolt that Mr. Lodge has correctly pegged him as, probably just uttered an interrobang before asking if he could come swim in the pool.

Panel Two: Add any classic Mark Trail dialogue to Veronica's thought balloon and it'll fit. It's a handful of speedline away from being any scene in Speed Racer.

Panel Three: Those are clearly the faces of two guys peeing in the pool and not giving a shit. I'm pretty sure the floating rings around Jughead's neck are the result of him not washing stray hamburger grease off his body.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Moose keeps his IQ score on his clothes at all times

I'm becoming more and more convinced Moose is a descendant of Lenny from Of Mice And Men. I reckon being a massively built mental midget with a childlike sense of wonder about the rest of the world is not the worst thing in the world, but it can't exactly be easy, either.

I think someone needs to replace the Archie-making machine with one that doesn't operate via punchcard, or at least one that doesn't make jokes using garage sale slang/terminology that NO ONE has used since the 1950's. You know what this means? Moose is dumb not only by our standards, but the standards of the 1950's, a time when people thought Lucille Ball was in any way amusing. That's fucking DUMB.

Still, my favorite part of today's strip is Archie in panel one. He is either trying to walk like Snoop Dogg or playing with an invisible marionette. I report, you decide.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Back from the...lazy?

1) 16 year olds who still refer to their father as "daddy" will likely be high-maintenance nightmares for whatever man is unlucky enough to end up with them.

2) WHY THE FUCK IS THAT CREEPY LITTLE GIRL SHOWING UP AGAIN?! Every time there's a beach scene, she shows up looking like the Coppertone version of the girl from The Ring. KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!

3) Hiram Lodge ambles like he has rickets.

Monday, July 2, 2007

You engine blockhead!

Based on his fashion choice, the truth is revealed! Archie is really Charlie Brown all growed up!

Not so much to note here, other than Betty's continuing gradual progression to having full-fledge gorilla arms and the complete lack of any kind of discernable punchline. instead, we get depression that goes nowhere. Are Archie and Betty destined to be the new Lockhorns?

Sunday, July 1, 2007

Let's drink to the hard working people

The look on Mr. Lodge's face in panel two is basically every Dennis Hopper performance ever, which is why I like it.

Archie is apparently so docile and unaware that an old man could carry him from at least one room and plop him down in the front stoop and he is still confused about the proceedings.

Of course, Mr. Charity Dude looks mildly pissed off. He must have been working the rich part of town for a while and thus subjected to the dumbass shit the rich always give to charity.